


Not unless you leave

by Justagirlclueingforlooks



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Astronomy Tower, Elves, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hogwarts Library, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Saviour!Draco, Saviour!Harry, Their Table, gryffindor tower, suicidal!harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 20:30:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11539884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justagirlclueingforlooks/pseuds/Justagirlclueingforlooks
Summary: Harry has been running out of reasons to live. One had been constant and then suddenly it wasn't there. He could be free and so could everyone else.





	Not unless you leave

Harry was finished. With friends. With school. With life. He'd been coming up to the astronomy tower day after day, night after night willing himself to just fall off the edge. Just a little push is all it would take but he wasn't brave enough, something was holding him back. And then suddenly he was.  
Harry had returned for his eighth year at Hogwarts. He'd been begging for some type of normality and he'd thought he would have got it. But he didn't. People whispered as he walked past, about how brave he was. The saviour Harry Potter. They recounted stories of how he'd killed the Dark Lord and freed the wizarding world. It made him feel sick. He was not a saviour. He was not brave. He let so many die for him and that made him selfish. His father, his mother, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Snape, Mad Eye, Hedwig, Fred, Lavender and so many more. How was he a saviour if all of these people were dead?  
As he sat on the edge of the Astronomy Tower he would think to himself. About how much he'd changed. He'd lost everyone and he did admit that was mostly his fault. He'd pushed Hermione and Ron away, ignored the calls and owls about Teddy, pushed away anyone who was close to him. It was better that way, then it wasn't his fault they got hurt. He'd stopped going to the hall for food and started spending most of his time in the library.  
Draco Malfoy had also returned for the eighth year. And he'd picked up the same habits as Harry. At first he'd sat alone in the hall but soon the name calling and whispers got too much for him. He resided in the library or the dorm rooms, trying desperately to avoid all human contact.  
They'd come to a mutual agreement, Harry and Draco. They sat in silence, occasionally shared food or notes for class. They barely said two words to each other but in that silence they grew closer. Harry noticed little things about Draco, the way his eyes scrunched up when he couldn't quite get something and the way he hid his tired eyes with his platinum hair. He could tell everything about Draco from a quick glance now and somehow they comforted each other. They were both not who they were perceived as, and they both avoided the whispering and the glances as much as they could even if it was for different reasons. Harry felt at home with Draco in that little library, he felt safe. The one thing Harry could not avoid for ever however were his feelings. At first they had been consumed by hate for himself and those who praised him. Then over time feelings for the blond boy with the disapproving face appeared. He found himself memorising every part of his face and movements. Trying to feed him and care for him as much as he could. Although Draco didn't know, he was the force holding Harry back. He was the force that kept him from falling.  
Harry had gone to the library after quickly grabbing food from the house elves who lived in the kitchen. They understood him, or they tried to and gave him food as thanks. When Harry had entered the library he went to their table and found no one else there. He circled the library and still found no trace of the blond boy. He sat down in their usual spot and stared hopelessly at the plate of food. He waited for ages. Watching the door, waiting. He didn't leave the library that whole day. He missed potions and transfiguration but he didn't see much point in going. The one person who kept him going, didn't care anymore.  
After the library had closed Harry found himself walking around the grounds aimlessley before finally deciding to go to the Astronomy Tower. He walked up those winding stairs and slowly but surely made his way to the top. He sat down legs dangling over the edge. For once he was not scared. He could feel the wind against his cheeks and it slowly coaxing him off the edge. He felt free. He didn't have to feel anymore. He stood up, one hand resting on one of the pillars that surrounded the edge. He could let go in that moment and it would finally be over. He could finally be with his family.  
"Harry?" Someone called his name. "Harry, what are you doing?" He barely recognised the voice due to the caring tone but it was most certainly Draco Malfoy.  
Harry turned to see Draco. He could feel the tears falling down his cheek that he hadn't even realised were there before. "Draco please leave. I don't want you to see this," and he turned back around. He heard footsteps getting closer and Harry moved closer to the edge. "Harry please." The voice startled him and he slipped off the edge.  
But he didn't fall. Strong arms caught him and pulled him back. By this point Harry was sobbing. He tried to push Draco away. He'd never wanted anyone to see it especially not Draco.  
Finally Harry got free. "You weren't meant to be here," he said gasping through the tears, "You weren't there before. I was just setting you free, setting me free." Draco looked at Harry, concern and hurt in his eyes. "Harry I'm sorry. I should have been there. I'm sorry." Harry looked at Draco and took in his facial expressions. He was hurt too not only by what he'd just done. Harry was still sobbing, "Draco please go away," he said. "Please I don't want to hurt you." Draco shook his head, "I'm not leaving, I'm never leaving you again."  
Harry looked down, "Draco I will only hurt you. Just go." Draco walked closer to Harry and took his arm. "You can't hurt me Harry. Not unless you leave." Harry looked up to him with blurry, tear filled eyes. "I'm so sorry" he said before falling into the boy. Draco wrapped his arms around Harry and slowly lowered them to the ground.  
Harry sobbed for hours against Draco's chest, letting every feeling out. And Draco held him whispering to him what he'd wanted to say to him for months. About how Harry saved him, about how important he was to him. Eventually Harry stopped crying and Draco just held him for a little longer. "Are you going to be okay?" Draco asked, "Wait that was a stupid question" he said correcting himself, "is this going to happen again?" Harry looked at him, "no it's not" and for the first time ever he actually meant it. Draco sighed and smiled, "good". They sat there for a few hours longer, in silence just existing with each other.  
Draco could see Harry drifting off into sleep. " Harry," he said quietly, "Let's go back." Harry obliged and Draco walked them back to the Gryffindor common room, his arms wrapped around the tired boy.  
Harry whispered the password to the Fat Lady and after a comment about her own singing, the picture opened the door. Harry lead the way to his dorm room and collapsed on the bed. Draco turned to leave the room but was called back, "Draco, stay." Draco kicked off his shoes and got into the bed. Harry looked at Draco for minute with a slight smile on his face and then snuggled into his arms and wrapping them around him.  
It was so different in the Gryffindor common room. Draco had layed next to Harry for hours. Memorising his face, every curve and edge. He couldn't sleep but he didn't even mind. It was too warm in the Gryffindor tower but it gave him the time to take in Harry.  
Draco touched Harry's face slightly too hard and woke Harry from his slumber. Harry looked up for a moment, surveying Draco's face before deciding nothing was wrong. He took his arm and hugged it between his arms. "Love you, Draco" he said, before falling back to sleep. Draco smiled to himself still slightly shocked at Harry's comment. "Love you too, Harry" he said, kissing Harry's cheek. He wrapped his arms around Harry protectively and closed his eyes. Harry opened his eyes before he smiled the biggest smile ever.  
Harry woke up early and turned around to check that the night before hadn't been a dream. He was greeted by Draco's cool breath on him. He turned away from Draco again and snuggled back into his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if this is finished but I have nothing else to write. Suggestions r welcome xx


End file.
